Chutiya!

I am writing after long time. I have noticed even though i enjoy writing it's generally my last priority. May be I am too lazy or may be I am too much engaged in different stuffs. I also observed i don't write when I am overall happy and it might be surprising I can remain more or less happy all day without being upset or sad. But there are also times when i am mostly upset with few sudden burst of happiness or sadness. I usually write in those times. Considering overall happiness is way better than overall sadness with patches of euphoria, i guess my well wishers would prefer the period when i am not writing. 

I agreed to something yesterday even though I was sure it was not right ..it was not right for me not for anyone ..but someone thought that's the right thing so I agreed doing it.  my soul was pleading me ..then started abusing me ..telling not to do that mistake again ..but instead of listening to it I agreed because i can not say no to that person and I can not turn down any request that person makes.. So my reply to my soul was ..shut the fuck up! 

I sometime wonder why ? why the fuck I can not just snatch what is mine ! I make people's life easy - people whom I hate like crazy, people who devastated my life, people who has taken advantage of my problems , people who has always made my life difficult ... 

My life is now like that monkey trying to climb up a oily pole ..it climbs 3 steps one by one and then slide down 3 steps in one go.