The bi-yearly train

I was waiting for a train to arrive, not sure about whether it would come or not. Once I used to think it will always come no matter what! then after certain period of time I began to think it might not come at all. I was not sure whether I was waiting for it or not, I was not sure if I would board it or not. But may be somehow I was there at the station. And then there was that sharp light almost on time or rather before time announcing it's arrival. Quite soon I realized it was only the engine.. it came slowed down at the station ..or may be It was my imagination ..then it left. I touched it before it was gone. I don't know if it was correct thing to do. Next day at the same time quite unexpectedly it arrived again..should I say unexpectedly? ..I don't know ..but this time just not the engine but also the body the tail ..the whole train. It stopped for a while. and within seconds it was time for departure. I don't know whether I wanted to stop the train for longer. May be I did may be not. But somehow I sensed even if I pull the chain I won't be fined today. But ultimately I didn't do anything and stood there wondering about the day when I will board the return train. I have long time to think.. return train is after 6 months.

thin line between gay and straight

Bewakoof aur chutiya mein dhaage barabar ka farak hota hai. Dhage ke henge bewakoof aur hunge, chutiya. Dhaga khench lo to kaun hai bewakoof kaun hai chutiya, carore rupiye ka prashan hai bhaiya.

(A thin line (or thread) separates the fool from the dumbass. On one end of the line lies the fool and on the other, the dumbass. Upon snapping the line it's a million dollar question as to who's the fool and who's the dumbass, brother.*)

I don't know but thin line always reminds me of this dialog from Omkara. I often wonder how do we define straight or gay. Is it simple black and white, Are we all either gay or straight. I thought of writing about this before, but restrained myself. Trust me first time in my life I am trying to think what is the reason behind having such variety of orientation. One thing for sure it's not just another invention of some psychotic western guy who is bored of normal life and trying do something different. It might sound lame but I used think this as the reason as I found it really strange how any guy can find an elastic rod more interesting than beautiful geography of hills, valleys, lake and grand canyon. But homosexuality was back there even in ancient Greece. Alexander the great himself was gay. So there is only one simple conclusion, no one is born with any orientation . orientation is very much related to someone's comfort level. It's not just some warrior enjoy pointing or putting his gun on some fellow/opponent warrior's back. If that's the case then I really doubt if you should call that warrior as gay. He is another guy deprived of or scared of pointing his gun from front. Given the opportunity I am sure he would even love to fire the gun at front heaven. Now it might always happen if someone is habituated to fire at the back, it can back fire and change his orientation. I am really reluctant to call such persons gay. I mentioned about comfort level. If I take the example of those ancient Greek warriors who are fighting years after years, they are used to get comfort from each other's company live and fight for each other. They find more pleasure and comfort in each other's arm than in any slave girl's intimacy. And as sex is directly related to comfort, years of togetherness in battle field can definitely change someone's orientation.

But at the same time there are some not so natural reason for homosexuality. The whole 'taboo' associated with it sometime drives people to try something different or something prohibited. and then comes dilemma, guilty feeling, orientation check blah blah !!Sometimes these are just transient and sometimes depending upon the fragileness of that person the impact can be huge.

I guess some of you are pissed of me for only discussing about homosexuality of men. Well may be the number of lesbians out there are more but I must say most of the girls you have seen in so called lesbian porn are not really lesbians. It's just that women are more shameless with or in front of each other than men. Reason for homosexuality of women can be both their tender as well as dominant nature. how so ? I hope you have already figured out the answer or wait for my updates after few days.

Anyway while writing today I wanted to talk how knowing about something called homosexuality has changed the way we behave talk or perceive things.

Back during my school days when I didn't have much idea about all these sexual orientation It seemed perfectly alright to hug a male friend. And now I don't really remember when is the last time I actually hugged or saw any of friends hugging each other. If anyone ever tells his friend he loves him he would most probably add the suffix "in a heterosexual way". A friend of mine recently moved from Mumbai to Bangalore and I was feeling bit bad thinking I will be bored on the weekends. But then I thought may be I should not say that.. it might sound bit gay. There was another funny incident few months back me and my roomie went to some Latino dance class. For practice at home unfortunately we didn't have any helping female neighbor so we decided to be each other partner, but we consciously made an effort that nobody finds us doing that.

Few related movies:
A Home at the End of the World
Fucking Amal
Brokeback Mountain

We the Evil non-vegetarians

declaimer: This posts is intended for those vegetarians who considers themselves better human being than us. I have no objections against vegetarians who do not question our(non-veggies) empathy towards animates.

If you ask any vegetarians to define foods which can be considered as veg, you will find a wide variety of answers - while some consider onion as non-veg, some will argue eggs as veg. I shall ask a simple question. Do you think killing an embryo is less cruel than killing a full grown human being ? Some would say killing an embryo is even more disgusting, you are killing a innocent life without giving it a chance to flourish. Besides you are also depriving the mother from her baby love. So all eggeterians who loves lecturing us about killing life remember you are no better. I know some of you have already started to protest the eggs you consume are infertile. You make me laugh!! do you think it's ok to eat some infertile embryo or dead baby ?? so keep your voice down and stop arguing.

Well so called pure vegetarians has no reason to rejoice. When you are having that milk shake or paneer tikka masala ..don't forget cows don't really produce milk for your consumption. It's for her child. You are making that poor cow a lactating slut and depriving the calf from it's birth right.
Just that I don't want you to die starving I haven't started about the lives of plants.

Next time you want to give us, non-vegetarians some lecture remember you are no better. Any biology book will tell you human beings are omnivorous. So we are just being humans :)

Ref: humans are omnivorous ( article from vegetarian resource group :D )

Zombie

I don't know why ..but I am upset ..I am terribly upset. I don't know whether I am upset of myself whether I am upset my flat mates or the movie I was just watching ..the whole day was quite nice ..unlike many other days ..when the moment I leave my office ..and walk back home ..I feel like ok I am going to be depressed today ..and I keep on telling myself no you won't ..you will be just fine ..you have lots of things to do ..you will watch movie ..read on your favorite topic ..how to be more and more rich !! But someday it does not work !! but today was different I was feeling perfectly fine ..I even cooked my food ..now just before sleeping somehow I am extremely upset.. Anyway good part is I am going to sleep now ..so thankfully I won't be depressed ..people have this notion about drinking that you do that to live in sadness ..the so called devdas theory ..But drinking is really good ...helping .. at least If I had some beer ..I might have felt better now ..tomorrow the first thing I am gonna do is to stock beer in my fridge..

To be edited someday

I have asked myself this question several times. What we remember most? Some friends told me we tend to remember the joyful memories and forget those ones which are not so good. I don't know may be it's true I tried to verify it a lot but somehow I felt I remember those memories which are not so good but somehow touched me. anyway i am not going to start with memory again. An insignificant(is it?) memory - when i was a kid, once i went to my cousin-brother's marriage. After coming back home i told my sister the bride was not so beautiful. My sis actually came quite strongly against this comment. She said so what! if everyone starts looking for external beauty what about those girls who are not so beautiful but nice at heart. Though I was kid then and my sis was also quite small at that time, that comment touched me a lot! I heard people saying as you get matured after certain age you don't look for physical beauty. But I really think it's not so true. I think when we are kids we are less conscious about the beauty about our potential :) girlfriends. Till you get married, the more you grow up specially after college you are more conscious about physical beauty about your tobe partner. I have friends, very decent, but even they sometime are in dilemma like "if others would find her beautiful". I am not blaming anyone here, or should I say I don't have the right to blame anyone, coz may be one part of me think like them. By the way whatever I am writing is strictly male point of view, I think girls are lot better than us in this regard. Isn't it really sad, unfortunate for a girl who is really romantic in heart, sweet and adventurous etc etc to get married to some extremely boring person, just because she is not beautiful. (Well in India even so called beautiful and witty girls also get married to undeserving persons and compromise for rest of their lives! long live arrange marriage. anyway that's a different discussion) I think beauty is no(should not be) criteria for love, at best it's like a good perfume which attracts you.Like the fragrance of perfume beauty is also transient. I really doubt if beauty has ever acted as a binding force for a couple. It's the inner beauty that binds everything. may be you have heard the same comment lots of time before but it's true. You might find some girl not so beautiful when you first see her, but after sometime when she has become a good friend of yours, you will find her quite decent looking. How much of these opinions I follow in my life? I can't say ..sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. ..you might call me hypocrite. I shall put the blame on my sun sign (pisces) and feel happy ! good night !

One of my all time fav movie clip from pulp fiction

Today I found this image in a nice movie blog. It's claimed to be the preamble of the original DVD of the Fight Club.

Dedicated to Mittal who missed the party

claimer: All characters appearing in this blog are real and any resemblance to anyone living or dead, is purely intentional.

It was Friday evening, so far the coolest evening. Me (Harry) , Chipak, Orange, Ricky, Nash and Sampy all heading towards my place for our weekend party. Let me give a bit detail how these name came ..well It all started when i tried to order pizza from dominos ..and it seemed to me they have an extra H at the beginning of my name in their record ..I tried to correct that but instead as a side effect everyone started to add an extra H to my name.. within few moments like a chain reaction everyone's name was modified .. Ricky got called as Mr. Manager ..Sampy and Nash got a H like me .. Some different name came to my mind for orange ..I am not mentioning it !!

Anyway it started with brief in'door' cricket match with some strange rules. If you hit any furniture, any wall directly you are out. Apart from normal catch we also had caught after one bounce... you can guess how tricky it can get to last even one over. But soon dumb C with booze seemed more interesting game .. and it turned out to be a lot funnier than cricket. I shall start with Shri 420. Sampy declared u can't show number in Dumb C ..which clearly gave the hint the movie got some number in it's name. Orange was trying her best to give the hints ..After few minutes of unsuccessful trying suddenly Chipak said "well it can't have numbers for sure ..sampy already declared that" !!! orange was like what the f*** !! Immediately Chipak realized his mistake and guessed the movie correctly ..
Another movie was Pelican Brief .. Nash was supposed to be the actor .. now in spite of having simplest second half ..he concentrated on hinting 1st half..no points for guessing why he did that ..finally after some failed attempt ..he finally decided to move on to second part .. and placed his hand just bit bellow his belt ..wild guesses started to fly around .. 'waist' , 'belt' , 'underpants', 'panty' ...and finally 'brief' .. but unfortunately the opposition could not remember the movie .. or the bird pelican ..so it remained unsolved ..
one clue was for Forest Gump .. it was Chipak's turn to give the clues ... He started to make different animal noise to depict forest ..and apparently turned Dumb C into screaming C . ..
next hint was for Appclypto ..Sampy successfully built his clues for lip and toe .. making liptoe ..Realizing the movie was appoclypto ..I forgot the name of the movie in excitement and shouted adolypto or something similar.. Ricky came for our rescue ..
there were many other movies like Mackenna's Gold,chokher bali, the poseidon adventure, frida, aradhana, gajgamini, zodiac etc...
the last one as far as I remember was One flew over cuckoo's nest .. Nash actually haven't seen or known the movie ..and he was supposed to guess .. after guessing names of series of birds ..starting from sparrow, parrot etc ..finally he landed at cuckoo. now the tricky part was constructing 'over' .. orange tried to make an oval .. my toad alter ego took over me ..and I started to jump to depict over .. When none of these worked cricket came to the rescue and after 6 balls ..'over' was complete

In between there were few incidents like ..somebody forgetting to zeep up after using the toilet .. everyone calling Ricky as Mr. manager .. Nash drinking old monk on flames ..orange almost hearing me saying something started with K .. which was interpreted as lots of different K words.. (I must say nobody actually guessed it correctly)

ultimately it was huge fun !! wish we can do that more often !

mindgame

It's 4:30 in th morning and I still can't sleep. My mind is overwhelmed with so many words thoughts ..I felt I can't sleep unless I write down some of them. Whenever I think about mind I just get so much amazed, may be mind is the most ingenious creation of God (atheists please find your own suitable term). I am thinking aloud now!! have you ever tried controlling your mind I mean making it think whatever you want it to think. try doing that and I can assure you will be thinking 10 different things but not the intended one. But does that mean you can't think what you want ! of course you can ..but just don't try too hard, Mr. mind is a free soul if you try to dictate it won't give a damn .. now there is a paradox here. when I am saying 'you' control mind ..can u tell me what is represented by 'you'. isn't it the same mind? please don't say 'you' is heart..I think heart is nothing but an instrument that keeps animals(including human beings) alive by circulating blood. Talking about paradox made me think something else ..am really writing this blog or is this just a dream, or a dream inside a dream ..and so on ! frankly I have no way to prove that.I already said I am thinking aloud so pardon me if you find this post absolutely out of order. Long time back I have discovered I have two contradicting personalities inside me ..the asshole me and the emotional me .. and usually both of them are present at the same time.. let me give you one example .. I still sometimes find it quite amusing to read the crap people usually put down in their about me in orkut ..unless it is an one page essay with ascii flowers or trees . The most hilarious ones are those with lots of keywords like 'mah' 'da' 'attitude' 'cool' 'rock' etc. this was the asshole me ! now i don't know why at the same time my emotional me pop up and try to see what that guy or girl has written in his 'from my past relationships i learned' . Usually it's mostly lots of ...chucha chucha ..( courtesy Ajay Devgan - Sunday) ..the one I liked till now was ' I can be better'..
After reading so many different scraps/posts sometimes I think I can write a research paper on attention seeking first scraps. But it is definitely not the time for that ..it's already 5 and I need to crash ..