Patient's diary

Once I said if I am writing that means things are not fine with me. But all these time I was not in physical pain, but this time I am in great pain and it's 99% physical. I read somewhere if you are in mental pain you also get physically exhausted I don't know how severe is that pain..and how much is that for real and how much is just our "figment of imagination" (remember ratatouille? ). We feel addicted to those mental sadness ..but when the pain is physical and that too for more than couple of weeks and continued ...it is totally fucked up. Those who know me for past few years know that i am super foodie and pure non vegetarian. I don't spend my money on veg food unless it's absolutely good. But now I am totally screwed up ! according to the doctors I have fundus erosive gastritis ( quite an interesting name i guess :D) and good news is i should be fine within a month ( or may be I want to believe that.. optimistic me !) . Now unlike cold or fever in this case I am having severe ( to be precise fucking severe pain!) at least twice a day. today was better though till now ..though recently the duration of pain got reduced! I remember sitting on office lavatory floor coz I could not sit straight. There were nights when I almost felt like crying out loud ...wanted to break everything ..refused to talk to anyone.Things are better ...partially because of the medication and partially I learnt few tricks to control the pain. Wanna know the tricks .. might be useful for you ( though i wish such situation never comes in ur life)

1. Accept the fact you can not fucking do anything about the pain so imagine or think about something good ..some real sweet experience of yours.. I remembered my day in front of Sony world, Bidhannagar and onwards .. remembered evening at Juhu beach and that really helps ..specially when u r having cramps ..
2. imagine/think of some intimate moment with your girlfriend (preferably :P) or equivalent
3. If above two does not apply for you try to remember the last pron you watched .. unfortunately for me i forgot to store any porn in my Brain's hard disc before coming home. But fortunately first two works for me quite well.
3.1 If you are feeling little bit gloomy by now ..little PJ ..don't jerk off while in pain ..it will give you instant relieve for 5 mins but after that you are more fucked !!

Btw I am not in pain all the time, rather mostly I am in quite good shape ( though i looked like a criminal when I checked myself (unsaved me) on mirror after almost a week). Once I was going to see the doctor the moment I went outside and saw different fast food shops outside It felt like every fucking dish is super delicious and wished for almost all of them. The smell of omlet drove me crazy ! My mouth watered at the view of pani puri. I loved the smell of vel puri. Believe me I am not a big fan of vel puri or pani puri .. honestly I hate vel puri of mumbai. though I like the preparation in kolkata. But now I can not have any of those foods at least for next month or so. I was known as carnivorous in my group and now I am living a saint's life. recently the doctor told i can have chicken or fish if prepared without any spices ...thanks to mom I have started to taste bit of non veg food.

now I am just hoping to get better as soon as possible and I promise to everyone I won't skip my breakfast ever in my life and I would definitely control my diet.

stinking trash

Have you ever been in a situation when you are outright angry ..frustrated upset .. (can keep on adding all such adjectives yet won't be able to describe how I feel) but you can 't do anything about it ..apart from feeling miserable .. I hate the word looser ..sometimes I think I am a freaking looser.. and what loosers do when they are pissed off they vent their anger in inappropriate place ..frankly I have no place to dispose my anger and none close to me can really sooth me ...and the person who can does not give a fuck !

ok let's do the ooommm of anger for 100 times ...

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

what a looser !!!

Honestly I hate everyone ! I hate every fucking thing ! just remembered few lines from alice in the chains..

I'm the man in the box
Buried in my shit
Wont you come and save me, save me

fuck the last line ..I love being burried in my own shit .. if you can, pour some crappy shitty drink on my lips ..suffocate me with smoke ! I feel like smoking now ..and stupid me ..I gave away the two cigs I bought for getting change to my colleague this morning..

Sometimes I am really thankful to David Gilmour for singing Coming back to life ..I guess it's the only song that can soothe me partially ..just like jerking off yourself and satisfying your dick with fake pleasure ...

Funny part about me ..I can not describe nicely how I want anything ..rather what I can do is to describe how frustrated, fucked up I am if i don't get it ..so people get pissed off me ..anyway even if I try to describe nicely that's not going to help me anyway ..so what the fuck !

Mamma I am coming home!! ..bullshit I don't even feel like going home nowadays. If I be totally honest then the only thing I still want and get whenever I want is booze ..

I hate my life sometimes , directionless ..if anybody ask me what will make me happy ..I guess I won't be able to answer .. have you ever listened to "Coming into Los Angeles" this song sucks like hell ...I don't know how it ended up in my playlist ..

Crazy frog ..lol not me ..it was the next song in my playlist .. I am already quite happy and feeling like deleting what I have written till now ..

So dear reader if you were worried about me ..chill I am fine ..sometimes I get hyper ..pissed off and then gradually I calm down ..and feel gay(lighthearted :D ) ..

anyway if I upset your mood ..then see the video below - thanks to abheera ..you will surely feel good ..